Hello, Vivienne Joy here and I’m wondering if you’ve heard the phrase comparisonitis – the comparison you make to other people that you believe are doing better than you, more than you, they feel happier than you, they’re earning more money than you. Years ago we called it keeping up with the Joneses, keeping up with the neighbours, but nowadays we can see, or we believe we see, what everybody is up to. And of course, please know that whatever you’re seeing of anyone’s life or business, they are the highlights – it’s like their showreel of what they want you to know, not everything else. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s some people that are out there with high integrity, showing you every part of this process too. But even they’re showing you it for a purpose and showing you it for a reason. So my thoughts today that I want to share with you are around comparisonitis and I’ve got a great little and very true story.

You never know when someone is faking it

So years and years ago, I started a recruitment advertising business and I wanted to do something different. I didn’t just want to be a recruitment consultant. I’d been in sales, marketing, and advertising all my life and so it makes sense to offer an advertising service, and so I set about setting up this business and I was doing lots and lots of research. So, reflect back to when you started your business, or if you’re starting one now, you’ll be looking around to see what everybody’s doing, what they’re calling it, how long they’re running it for, what they’re charging for it, what the promises are, these are the kinds of things we look for when we’re seeking to buy something. And so I was doing all that. And there’s loads and loads of companies doing traditional fee on placement recruitment and a percentage of the salary, and I didn’t want to do that because I didn’t like the uncertainty of them. My brain was craving certainty. So I provided a service where they paid an upfront fee which paid for the advertising and we offered all the services in the background and it meant that they definitely got what they needed. 

So I was looking around and I found a company called and I was very jealous of that as a domain. And I looked at what they were charging, and I looked at what I was wanting to charge or even needing to charge to be able to cover the cost of the advertising, let alone me and the staffing that I wanted to take on, and my branding and my whole company. And I thought how on earth can I do that? And I kept watching this company and comparing myself, thinking their domain must mean they’re the best in the market, thinking, wow, they can do this for £195 and how the hell can they do that? And I kept watching them and thinking, I can’t do it. I got my pricing as low as I could, I got it to £295 and I was watching and learning from them, and I believed their spiel until they went bust. And when they went bust, they did so because while they weren’t making enough money. So there was me comparing myself thinking they were amazing, that I’d never reach their heights or their 30 staff, that they were able to do it at such a low price. And actually, I was comparing myself to a company that were going under. 

The best thing is to not compare in the first place

So please be careful when you are comparing yourself, which you shouldn’t do. Comparison is the thief of all joy. The thief of success, of confidence… of everything you can ever imagine. And for me, it nearly was the thief of my business. So the great news is at the end of the story, I approached a couple of their staff who brought their clients with them. So that was nice. But you need to make sure that if you’re coveting what someone’s doing – if they’ve got an amazing programme that’s promising X – that actually X is being delivered before you model it. And we call this modelling NLP – an NLP structure of taking the best parts of something and bringing it into you to recreate it. But I’m going to talk more about that in the weeks to come. So hopefully this has been helpful. You are potentially comparing yourself to somebody who isn’t even who they say they are and what they’re showing themselves to be. And you are you and you should do you at all times. And if you need any help doing that and working out who you are, what you’re comparing yourself to, and how you can stop that, then do feel free to book a mindset reset call deep structure, 15 minutes private conversation, where I can help you understand where it’s coming from, what it’s achieving for you, what it’s stopping you doing, and actually how we can reset it and get you moving forward.