How are you influenced externally?

Hello, I’m Vivienne Joy and my questions today are around external influences. Many a time when I’m coaching clients and they’ve gone from not thinking they’re good enough, they don’t know how, haven’t got the skill set, not got the mindset – and then they start to flow and get out of their own way, and then something happens, we can call it a roadblock, we can call it an upset; I’ll call it an external factor influence. And then they’ll come to me and say, “Oh, it was all going so well and then I had a keyboard warrior say something on my post and it put me back and I started to think, am I good enough? Can I do this?”

And so my question today is, how do you deal with external influences that are negative, or positive, because if you are an externally referenced kind of person, which many people are, ie, we care what other people think, we take on board people’s opinions and what they say. And actually, if we’re looking for recommendations, or affirmations, or kind of certainty from outside of ourselves – if something goes wrong outside of ourselves, it goes wrong inside too. Whereas those people are more internally referenced. They can just go okay, that’s your opinion, thank you, I don’t have to share it. And they’ll be in a very different space. They will be referenced by their own thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and their own evidence of what is really real for them. 

The more you understand, the better it will be

So have a think about the last time that something outside of you made you skip a beat, put you down, made you watch Netflix and chill instead of doing the calls, writing the blog, doing the videos, contacting the people, or following the people, and how far did that put you back and how long did it put your back for? Because life will happen if you’re externally referenced – things will happen and it’s how you handle them. And that is personal development. And the better you can get at understanding and releasing and moving forward, and the quicker you can do that, then the better it is for you to understand.

I look back to even 10 years ago and something needed to happen and it could be weeks of hating on myself, wondering if I’m doing the right thing, should I go and get a job? You know, all of this self-talk around am I good enough? Because somebody had made me think, or I’d allowed somebody to make me think that I wasn’t.

So if this is going on for you then you need to get some help with it. Help you understand how you’re so easily influenced and swayed by the outside influence of you. If you would like to understand this and more, there’s a lot of mindset that needs to happen, but you can start with a call to me and then we can work out the best way to help you look forward to it.

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