How often are you alone and how do you handle it?

Being Alone

Morning, Vivienne Joy here, Mindset Reset Expert and Business Mentor, Trainer and Coach. Today I’m going to talk about being on your own. So you either love it, hate it, enjoy it, or actually, are a bit scared of it. Which is it? I think these last 18 months have made us all feel a bit different about being alone. 

My experience of being alone

I am an only child, so actually being on my own used to be quite normal in my life. Many years ago, I had a husband, and of course we lived together. Before that I’d lived with my parents and a variety of other people, so I’d never actually lived on my own. 

I didn’t know what to do when I split up with my husband back in 2013, so although I had craved living on my own, I was like, “I’m on my own for the first time”. I mean obviously, I’d been on my own in the house, but there’s a different energy when you live alone and you know that you’re going to go home and everything is as you left it – the food is still in the fridge, the pillows are still as you left them, the TV channel was still on the volume you left it, and everything is exactly as it is. It’s quite a weird feeling and I remember not being able to deal with it very well. And my way of dealing with it was that I just stayed out a lot.

My first year of being single, I basically wasn’t in the house – I think I worked it out, for the whole year – I was in the house for 31 nights. Which is quite a lot out of a lot of days isn’t it? That’s not a lot of time to be on your own at all, and I remember the first time when I made myself stay in alone and I just couldn’t deal with it. I drank half a bottle of Sherry and cried a lot because I wasn’t used to it. 

So this message is not really just about being alone, it’s about dealing with stuff you’ve never dealt with before. Because if you don’t know how to deal with it, you don’t know how to deal with it. If you don’t know how to handle something, it’s because you’ve never had to handle it. And unfortunately in this day and age, people are, you know – children are kind of a bit mollycoddled and they don’t know how to handle things – they’re protected. Whereas when I was younger I wasn’t really particularly protected, so I kind of had to handle quite a lot. 

How do you handle being alone?

So actually, how do you handle being alone now? Do you make yourself busy? Do you put your head in your phone? Do you watch TV? Do you read? Which are all levels of escapism. Do you allow yourself to have your thoughts and just sit with them? Sit with your feelings, your thoughts, your energy? 

How do you spend time alone? And actually, how could you spend time alone? And if you’re scared or thinking “oh I don’t think I could do that, I’m not keen on being on my own” – do it! Because if you don’t think you can be alone, you may be, just may be, relying on people around you, and you may be staying in relationships that may be not serving you because you’re scared to be on your own. 

The benefits of being alone

Being on your own is very powerful. Being comfortable being on your own is going to be the most powerful thing you can ever achieve. And today I’m going to be on my own in the house. 

I’ve been with my partner now for nearly 18 months, and since the minute we met, we’ve been together pretty much. I’ve been to a couple of conferences where I haven’t been on my own, so I’ve been out and Emma’s been on her own in the house. And today Emma’s going to have a tattoo for her 40th birthday and she’s going to be there all day. I’m going to drop her off there, and then I’m going to be in the house on my own all day, which I haven’t had for a very long time. And my first thoughts were “this is going to be a rather odd day”. 

Now obviously I’ve got three dogs, so I’m not completely on my own, but actually, I used to be. I lived alone for many years, so I used to be on my own all the time. So my question is, what do you do? Do you enjoy it? Do you hate it? Are you not keen? Do you normally find something to do? Or do you allow yourself to just sit, and think, and be on your own? 

That’s all. Simple message for today! Look forward to hearing from you. Have a great week!

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