Self-sabotage

Hi, Vivienne Joy here, Mindset, Reset Expert and Deep Structure Coach, coaching the innermost thoughts, feelings, behaviours, and beliefs – everything that’s going on in your head, understanding where it came from, helping you to forgive it, understand it, release it, reset it, and be able to remember who you really are and go on with your life and business as accurate as you can. 

Today I’m doing a card pull for you and the card deck I’m using today is the She-Empowers Self Coaching Deck.  The card that has jumped out is self-sabotage. 

Self-sabotage is basically getting in your own way to make sure things remain the normal that you are used to do. In its purest form, it is staying the same…staying certain…the normal that you are used to. So grab your pad and pen and I’m going to get you to understand a little bit around self-sabotage because you might not know it as that. You might think that self-sabotage is stuff that’s painful and horrible, but you might be self-sabotaging using different patterns – you might not even recognise it in yourself. 

I sometimes self-sabotage by not doing the things I know will take me much closer to my end result goal, but the things I’m doing are still part of what I’m doing and therefore I don’t feel like I’m self-sabotaging. For example, I know that creating incredible content and coming and talking to you lovely people, showing who I am, what I can do, helping you understand where I am on your journey and if I can help you move to your next stage is the most powerful thing I can do with my time, but also, creating spreadsheets and understanding the statistics, and the demographics and the analytics of the business are really, really important as I grow and scale. So I can easily put myself in a spreadsheet and be there for hours and hours and what I’m really doing is avoiding some of the more outward stuff that I probably need to do to stand out. So just think about some of your self-sabotage patterns that you might have. And it’s not sitting watching Netflix or completely avoiding – that’s avoidance and that’s a different thing altogether. 

Self-sabotage can be something you still think is really useful, like scrolling for hours on TikTok pretending you’re learning the next algorithm when you’re actually just watching cat videos. 

Question #1 – What is your preferred self-sabotage pattern?

I say preferred, and I mean it’s the one you’ll go to. Spreadsheets for me is what I’ll normally lean into. Tidying up stuff, rewriting my to do list. So what is your preferred self-sabotage pattern? And it’s not always icky, horrible sabotage. It can be believing you were still working just because you were sat at your desk all day, but not actually achieving what you needed to.

Question #2 – What is the positive outcome of you staying the same? 

You might say, “Vivienne, there’s no positive outcome of me staying the same, I bloody well hate where I am”. If there wasn’t a positive intention, or preferred or needed outcome, you wouldn’t say them. Even the things you think you want to do, the reason you’re staying away from doing them is actually because it’s nice and safe. Safety always sits there, but actually, there might be another one. I remember coaching a wonderful woman called Becky, and when she had a migraine, she could stop running her million-pound business and go and lay in a dark room for three days. So the positive outcome of her keeping her migraine, i.e. staying the same, was that she got that break. So once we helped her unconscious understand what the positive outcome was and how she could get that differently, we could then reprogram the brain.

Question #3 – How would it feel to stop self-sabotaging?

If you’ve been doing this for a long time, it might just be a substructure of your brain…you might just be used to doing it. I’m always somebody that gets in my own way. I’m always someone that lets myself down. I’m always someone that puts others first, which is also self-sabotage by the way. 

If this is you, and you resonate with this and you want to know more, you want to learn more, you want to uncover more, accept more, move on from where you are to achieve more, please do reach out to me. I would love to have a conversation with you and help you understand. I do a 15 minute free laser coaching call which is a laser focus set of questions that gets you to understand what is keeping you stuck, and then you can have some options as to how you get unstuck and what you do. So if that’s for you, I look forward to speaking.

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